After having some friends physically shuttle some Jeppson's Malort from Illinois to New York, we decided to take some initiative and order a couple of bottles ourselves for a recent winter trip to Vermont. Malort tastes-- I would imagine-- like sausage made from the small intestines of a long-departed corpse...but in a good way, once you get used to it. Wonderful right out the bottle, as a snow cone, as a fruit marinade, or as a loosening agent in a hair smoothie. After the first tip, you think "There's no way I could finish a single bottle in ten lifetimes" but I will tell you, that assessment quickly changes once the sensation grows on you. Since I am nearly positive the glass itself will disintegrate before the contents inside are compromised, I would say to order a few bottles...just in case.
Jeppson's Malort 750ML
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Jeppson's Malort 750ML
Jeppson's Malört has the aroma and full-bodied flavor of an unusual botanical. Its bitter taste is savored by two-fisted drinkers. -Producer
This taste like mildew and amonia.
I believe that this is distilled from the grass clippings next to the Edens Expressway, It was the kick in the balls that my mouth needed.
It tastes like it ran off of a coal miner's boot. It tastes like getting punched in the face by a fist wrapped in brake fluid and dust. It tastes on your tongue like mace on your eyes. It tastes like sterno and rabbit droppings. It tastes like Donald Trump's bathwater. It tastes like Donald Trump's tongue. It tastes like the whole city of Chicago hates you.
This is a very interesting liquor. It has almost no smell discerning it from straight alcohol, no hint at its olfactory domination. Me and my friend took it as a shot and both agreed it was very smooth going down. Soon after you get it down a bitterness starts growing, and growing, and growing. It gets VERY BITTER!
Holy crap, this stuff is magic. Really tough to take the first shot, a real gagger. Second shot not a lot better. But, by the third, you're in heaven. I can't really say what happened after, I woke up at home on the floor confused and dizzy.
I didn't know what to expect. I'd read the commentary from the local "experts." It made me leery and apprehensive. Had I made a bad decision buying this vile, heinous concoction? Only 1 in 49? Seriously?? I was expecting gasoline with overtones of fermented dead rat. When the bottle arrived I treated it as if it were red fuming nitric acid. I cracked the seal, waved the vaporous orifice past my nostrils and awaited the effect... hmmm, that wasn't so bad. Perhaps a drop on the lips... OOOh, it's kinda bitter, a little. Next step: find a shot glass and get serious. I've braced myself, clenched my fist, eyes closed, SLAM IT! Wait... that's actually pretty good! The initial citrus sting is refreshing and the lingering, dry bitterness is oddly satisfying. Three shots later, I'm convinced: this stuff should not be relegated to some ancient Chicago legend. This is the shit! Carl is the man! My problem now is that it's not easy to get Malört in eastern Washington. Maybe someone at LB can hook me up with a direct line?
This stuff is an acquired taste, but it is a taste worth acquiring. After you polish off a bottle of this liquid gold, you will be hooked for a long time!
nice bitter liqueur, with a slight taste that reminds me of Campari - only with a knock out punch. Try it!
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